Social Networking - (Dis)connecting People ?
Recently one of my colleagues raised a question, whether Social Networking is good or bad? Because he was worried about his teenaged grandchildren always hooked to the computer at home and talking jargon that is alien to my colleague who is due for retirement. Natural for a person who had Conventional Friendship Network (CFN) all his lifetime and the idea of Social Networking (SN) in cyber world seems to be a bit irritant as he feels that the Social Networking Sites (SNS) are invading the privacy of lives. He had gathered some information from his friends and relatives settled abroad about the impact of SNS in the western world especially USA, Canada and UK where the users are more. The most number of divorces occurring because of SNS, to be precise Facebook (FB) and other SNS are on rise; one out of five divorce petitions filed were related to FB and not to say many more marital breakdowns, failed engagements & debauched dating expeditions. Looking at the facts and my colleagues concern for his grandchildren ‘Whether Social Networking is good or bad?’ seems to be a valid question and lot has to be dwelled regarding this. We had a total evening devoted to the discussion at ‘Café’, Baroda and here I put some of my observations debated passionately into the subject.
There is no doubt that SNS such as FB, Orkut, My Space, Bebo, Twitter etc., have created a powerful medium and revolutionized the interpersonal relations by allowing us to be in touch with lost friends, existing ones, strangers, share emotions, profiling, tastes and preferences etc, however when you look at the ever growing legion of online friends and ask ourselves out of that legion how many are actual friends? … The count may be surprisingly low, check out. In order to use SN in a better way and to develop good interpersonal relationship, especially with strangers, we need to see whether the other person is trustworthy….because it is easy to be deceptive on internet. Initially when FB was invented for the Harvardians it was for two good reasons to be in touch with their buddies, ‘faster information’ and more ‘public outreach’, but the impact of the said two reasons reflect in a incident when International Technology Journalist T Crampton’s engagement put him into jeopardy, when they felt that their ‘private lives should not be for public’, hence removed their ‘engaged’ status from their FB profile, first good reason ‘faster information, the feed moved like a wildfire put them into a horrible situation when the condolences started pouring in….‘power of jumping into conclusions’ on SNS, culprit, ‘improper online behavior’ of users. The beauty of Social Networking and the fun embedded lies in the ‘Online Behavior (OB) of its users. The more modest Online Behavior, the more fun.
The use of SNS in India and other Asian countries which are comparatively more traditional than those in western part of the globe is at rise. Increasing trend is good but not without discussing the underlying negative implications in traditional societies like India where the concept of friendship is still viewed with utmost care especially between opposite sexes, not to say that the dating which is strictly forbidden atleast in the Indian middle class, which is eager to come out of the cocoon known as traditions. There are no boundaries on Internet, the whole Planet Earth is one village, access to any place is on finger tips and the complexity of communication with other societies is quiet easier now, thanks to ‘SNS’ like Facebook and My Space have become the part of daily living.
In India, these days a person for not maintaining a profile on FB or Orkut is looked as an odd man out and viewed as someone who doesn’t belong to this era. Frankly, speaking how many of us do really believe that the online behavior reflects a person’s traits and foreshow his/her social behavior. It may not be easy to evaluate a person’s traits in a Conventional Friendship Network (CFN) at first sight, especially when meeting a stanger, however I believe a person’s traits and social behavior can be guessed with simple glance at a person’s profile (subject to the setting is meant for everyone) or by following his/her online behavior, considering the fact that the internet can be deceptive to meet the strangers.
The beauty of SN is the freedom of expression and the reciprocation thereof. As any society has its own principles, traditions and foundations, the same can be followed in SN, again the crux is ‘online behavior’ and ‘sharing of information’. Emotional quotient and instant reaction plays a vital role on SN which reflects the behavior of a person at any particular point of time. It should not hurt other person’s or any related person’s feelings while commenting, a classic example, recently one of the famous South Indian singers lost her grandfather after a prolonged illness and the same was updated on her status with a message ‘I am upset, I lost my beloved grandfather yesterday’, and to her utter surpise there were number of ‘likes’ to this update the next day, God only knows the wisdom behind these ‘likes’, a debatable issue though. Beware Internet is addictive, Some ‘like’ each and every comment just for the sake of pleasing the other one….case of switching to deceptive mode knowingly or unknowingly or a fear of losing friendship if not ‘liked’! A genuine ‘like’ must pour out without any hesitation and one who balances the expression of emotions enjoys the fun on any SNS.
SNS, like FB, Orkut etc has made private life available to public for anyone with eyeballs to see, mouse to click and fingers that strike on keyboard. Facebook admits it divulges to marketers "insights into people's activity”, tracking relationship statuses is huge market in western world, revealing the status to firms dealing and serving the dating needs of the society where it is not seen as a taboo, unlike in India. However, some argue SNS like FB is denting the Indian traditions by encouraging private lives to be made public and documenting them online and in real-time, may be true. One of my friend’s brothers has updated his status as ‘engaged’ and the info traveled at jet speed into his community, matter turned worst when they learned that his fiancée was not from their community, it doesn’t end here, a few days later he started receiving congratulatory calls for being immigrating to Canada, surprised as he didn’t even own a passport. Another bolt came from the blue when he saw his fiancée’s status update ‘Immigrating to Canada’, unknown to him till then. She left overseas, putting him into great embarrassment. Who is to blame? When someone blunders by documenting their own private life to public online and in real-time, SNS? Or the user? Thoughtful ‘Online Behavior’ would have averted the embarrassment, had he differentiated his private and public life status updates…..beware, SNS puts you in an awkward situation like a first date inexperience in courting if the things are not handled sensibly while Social Networking.
Unwelcome and improper comments on the status even for the sake of fun may have negative impacts on the relationships of the concerned directly or indirectly leading to damaging relationships. In a country like India where customs & traditions are so tight that a simple hello on a SNS may lead to breaking relationships – devasted spouses and angry children “if the boundaries are not defined where to start and where to stop while chatting, commenting or updating profiles on an SNS”. A recent survey showed rise of divorce cases, marital breakdowns and mutual mistrust between spouses among urban populace in India, especially those who are in high flying careers, and the SN is one of the factor for such breakdowns. Fingers too are pointed at ‘Westernized Indian middle class’ for blindly aping liberal western cultural ethics. Though Social networking websites offer people the chance to reconnect with people they had long forgotten, and to meet new people with similar interests like Music communities etc, may not necessarily promote real relationships, as often such instant communication is mostly through hastily-typed emails and the sending of racy photographs. This artificial friendship may sometime lure singletons or even married couple to flirt online, particularly men, also the right use of SNS may prove fruitful for those sincerely looking for a right life partner.
Social Networking is a wonderful way to connect with people, good to see many of old buddies meet after a long time, and have a good laugh at old school photo (as I did), grandparents keep updated with new pics, and homemakers enjoy their day by Social Networking with their pals. In fact, FB has a great potential in expanding business, organize ourselves more effectively as far as we are not engaged with other activities in the cyber world, just remember to live within healthy boundaries, because even the strongest level of trust can be weekend by a single incident, and It could take years to rebuild, as it is said ‘emotions last longer than events.’ Another important issue with social networking sites is that they take away what little time a married couple has together. So many people are absorbed into these sites that they lose track of time. Every couple needs a certain amount of time together to hold and to hopefully grow that relationship. Well, it can be frustrating to find a spouse glued to the computer while using a social networking site, but be clear of the purpose for having good fun and laugh.
Some healthy guidelines may help in enjoying Social Networking:-
- Decide how much you want to spend on SN? and come out exactly on the set time.
- Do not engage in intimate conversation (spouse is an exception) on SNS.
- Do not disclose personal details on a SNS.
- Privacy settings must be set to comfortable level.
- Do not comment on friends updates that may affect your mental or emotional peace later.
- Be honest with your partner about your page, and have the maturity to allow them the necessary space to tell you about their page, remember it always cuts both ways.
- Do not ‘like’ for the sake of pleasing others.
- Do not post or update pics of others without their prior consent.
- If there is something you might not want some people to know, avoid posting such info.
- Spend more time with spouse rather than lurking on internet and SNS.
Social Networking is a powerful medium and a potential tool, enjoy SN to the fullest by setting your own parameters and staying within that boundary, and don’t forget that with social media comes the responsibility and can make our life beautiful, and colorful. Though I am not a big fan of Social Networking, it has been a great source of community and fun with friends, family and had given a wonderful opportunity to meet people having same hobby, Music and Books.







